3 AM

My face was pressed deep into my pillow, and my hands that had been tucked under it were clutching a vibrating phone. I blinked once, then twice into the darkness, inhaled deeply. My body was in the same position it had fallen asleep in, and I felt warm. I was still in the midst of  realizing I was awake when I heard crickets outside my open window singing to the moon, eclipsing the faint, dying life of my dreams.

Oh, a phone. My phone.

At that time of night, my brain couldn’t reason that it was an indecent hour, and that I wasn’t obligated to answer. So I did.

I groaned when the light from the screen hit my eyes. Charlie.

Charlie.

I brought the phone to my ear.

“Hmm?”

“Kat, you awake?”

“What?”

“Sorry it’s so late.”

“I’m sorry, too.” I murmured.

There was patch of silence. Then a quiet, “Kat?”

“Mmhm?”

“I . . . need to see you.”

“Right now?”

“Yeah, I mean, could you?”

I rolled onto my back and gathered my thoughts.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him.

“Nothing, it’s just this girl.”

“Oh. Who?”

“I think I love her.”

“. . .”

“Kat?”

“Yeah. I’ll meet you underneath the tree.”

“Alright, see you in a bit.”

“Bye.”

“Thanks, Kat.”

And I turned my head back into my pillow, this time to suffocate the tears.

Day 23

I have to wake up in 5 hours and I’m trying to feel good about it. I mean, I ironed my shirt. I even threw my pants in the dryer to make them look clean.

I made an unexpected trip to church today. Usually I don’t work Sundays, but my boss gave me the ‘you must like taking vacations all the time’ talk after all the tim I’ve had to request off from work, because of missions training, weddings, and voting for the president. So when they asked me to work Sunday, I said yes, then I said yes again. And they think it’s weird that I like church, but that’s okay because they’re not Christians, so they don’t have to understand why it’s everything.

It’s hard to explain what happens when you get a group of believers together and start singing. Some would blame emotionalism, but I’ve attended concerts, watched speeches and rallies, the movie Braveheart. There’s something different about Church. We sang amazing grace, and while we recited the famous verses there’s just something… like living in a world where everyone claims the sky is green, and we finally get to sing about the sky being blue. The unadulterated joy that settles in your heart even though your throat aches from singing so  loudly.

And nothing compelling us other than the fact that He, the God we serve, loves us. It’s so simple. We strain and struggle with sharing the Gospel, us Christians. Books have been written and forums have been stuffed and documentaries have been shot depicting our failures and triumphs. Some think it’s nice that we’ve found our niche, but to leave theirs alone. Some call us silly and irrational, unscientific. Some actually seek us, but only because they admire Christ, not because they understand the fact that He died for them. The news is stiff with opinions and noise about religion, the big question “Is God real?” And how suffering and omnipotence could ever coexist. How could every other religion be wrong? How do you know that you possess the ONE truth, the needle in the haystack? Paul said in Romans that creation itself speaks the declarations of it’s maker. And Psalms:

The Heavens declare the glory of God,

The firmament shows His handiwork.

Day after day utters speech

And night after night shows knowledge.

There is no speech nor language, where there voice is not heard.

Their line is gone out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world.

And us Christians, we try so hard to tell people, to make them know. And we forget that it’s simpler than that. Benjamin Zander was once told that only 4 percent of adults enjoy classical music, and they were wondering how they could push that to 6. Zander smiled as he said, “96 percent of the population loves classical music, and they don’t even know it yet.” And that was a stroke of wisdom. His words sunk deep, deep into my soul.

Everyone has heard the voice of the Lord, they just don’t know it yet.

And that short Ted Talk changed my life. Zander isn’t even a Christian, and he’s showing me the ropes. The beautiful thing about serving the God who created time and space is that He makes things work like that. My entire perspective changed. Now every day I see it. I see the line running through the earth, and there is only one. For no other reason than that He loved us. Loves us. It’s not about playing defense or offence in the verbal scrimmage of religion, it’s about pointing to the line. It’s already there.